Book Review: Scary Dead Things by Rick Gualtieri

April 27, 2015 Blog, Book Reviews, Horror, Vampires 0

Book Review: Scary Dead Things by Rick GualtieriScary Dead Things by Rick Gualtieri
Series: The Tome of Bill #2
on September 25th 2011
Narrator: Christopher John Fetherolf
Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
Genres: Fantasy, Horror, Humor, Paranormal
Pages: 292
Source: Purchase
Buy on Amazon
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There are reasons we fear the night.
He STILL isn’t one of them.

Bill Ryder: programmer, gamer, and legendary vampire is back!

Six months have passed since a vampire hottie named Sally dragged him kicking and screaming (but mostly screaming) into the supernatural underworld. Since then he’s found himself hounded by enemies and frustrated by his allies. All that and he still can’t work up the nerve to talk to his dream girl. Little does he know his troubles are just starting.

A chance meeting halfway across the world plunges Bill into more insanity than he can shake a stick at. Now he finds himself a marked man in more ways than one. One of the most powerful immortals in the world wants him dead and an ancient vampire princess wants him for entirely different purposes.

However, that might just be the least of his worries as new and powerful forces have begun to emerge from the shadows around him. Are they friend or foe? Considering Bill’s luck, you can bet on the latter.

Bill’s only hope is to marshal his friends, master his powers, and muster enough attitude to stare down the very worst monsters the world can throw at him.

Can Bill survive and prove once and for all that he’s the scariest dead thing of them all?

Scary Dead Things is 80,000 words of foul-mouthed horror comedy by Rick Gualtieri, author of Bill the Vampire and the Poptart Manifesto.

My Thoughts

I immediately started reading this when I finished the first, Bill the Vampire. I could not help myself. So far this series is hilarious funny, but more than that, being a fan of geeks, I totally can connect with this.

I was surprised that Rick Gualtieri wrote this second book the way he did. You can easily pick this book up and have a really good idea of what is happening. If I started with this one I would have a few questions but he explains enough throughout the story that it is not really needed. BUT, you seriously do not want to miss out on all the Bill Geek Vampire goodiness. Every word is worth reading, so if you are starting with this one, stop and go get book one, Bill the Vampire. Trust me, you’ll love it!

Okay, now that that is out of the way! I loved this as much, if not more than, the first! I do not know how Rick Gualtieri does it but he set the bar pretty high with the first and maintained that bar throughout! Bill is just as hilarious as in book one. Even more so because now he knows what is going on but man… through the guy a learning curve! Please! Or don’t because his slowness is the epitome of my laughter right now.

“The trip was a 20 plus hour nightmare of transfers starting at LaGuardia or as I like to think of it “Satan’s Airport” and ending in Beijing. However, I needn’t have worried about being stuck in the middle row between two fatties or next to a screaming kid for the entire trip. No because I was luggage. Did I say luggage? No. Luggage would be too kind.

Once again though, Bill’s friends may as well be enemies. They cause so many issues for him! Sally is of course always going out of her way to mess up Bill’s day. It’s like they are in love or something! Always picking on each other and doing things that create issues. It definitely more Sally than Bill but he does reciprocate the pranks every once in a while. The fact that it is so difficult for him to think of a prank is half of the hilarity. He has to go through so much crap that sometimes I do want him to have a comeback but most of the time he’s just sputtering about how being a vampire did not do anything for his looks!

Through all of this there is a lot of crap going on that he has to deal with as well. Like being a vampire is not hard enough. Gann (I love her!!) brings quite a bit of those issues straight to his doorstep. It is so hard for me not to like her though. I mean she’s a raging vampire of 300 years in a little girl’s body. Think back to Interview of the Vampire and Claudia but worse! Gann has been taught by the darkest and the toughest vamps in history.

This is only halfway through the book and there is SO MUCH more to go through! The last 3 1/2 hours are jam packed with more people trying to kill Bill. Again! The fact that Bill really does not see what is right in front of his face, again, just adds to the hilarity. Just when you think that he’s starting to learn he does the dumbest thing. He’s just such a lovable idiot though! Maybe that’s why Sally has not killed him… YET!

Tom and Ed were both up. They were seated on the couch facing the still broken TV.

“Hey guys” I said,  “Hope you don’t mind but we have guests.”  I waited for a moment expecting a tirade from Ed since I imagined he was still pretty pissed about the whole Gann thing. But neither of them said a word. I continued “Sorry for the late notice but there’s some shit going down. Sally and Gann need to stay here for a few days. Oh yeah, Tom this is Gann.” There was still no acknowledgement from either of them. They both sat in the same place quite and unmoving.

This has horror movie written ALL over it!! I won’t say what happens next because I’m sure everyone’s imagination can clue in on the fact that something is definitely not right. Not Bill though… he just continues talking like his roommates are just upset over a broken TV. To be fair, I would be a tad miffed also, but still Bill! Wake up! It all just gets better and better! Needless to say, I am picking up book three straight away. I am obsessed and absolutely loving everything about this series.

“Kidnapping? What? I…” I didn’t get a chance to finish as I was flung face first into the side of one of the large, steel, yeah.. definitely steel, OUCH, ac units that I had been previously using for cover. CRUNCH. Oh well, I thought woozily slumping to the ground. It’s not like i was all that pretty to begin with. Time for a good long nap? Yeah, that sounded dandy. Sadly I was again rudely hauled to my feet. “Nap time over already?” I muttered.

Once again Christopher John Fetherolf did a fantastic job of narrating. He IS Bill and it is a fabulous thing!

In short: Recommended to everyone. Love, love, love this and cannot wait to read more about Bill and his “friends”.

Rating Report
5 / 5
Character Development
5 / 5
Writing Style
5 / 5
Personal enjoyment
5 / 5
5 / 5
Overall: 5 / 5


The Author

About Rick Gualtieri

Rick Gualtieri lives alone in central New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he’s not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.

Defilers beware!

Rick is a horror and comedy writer. He is the author of:

Bill The Vampire
Scary Dead Things
The Mourning Woods
Holier Than Thou
Sunset Strip
Goddamned Freaky Monsters
The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1)
Bigfoot Hunters
The Poptart Manifesto

As Cole Vance:
Meeting Misty

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