Book Review: Bill the Vampire by Rick Gualtieri

April 20, 2015 Blog, Book Reviews, Horror, Vampires 0

Book Review: Bill the Vampire by Rick GualtieriBill the Vampire by Rick Gualtieri
Series: The Tome of Bill #1
on October 31st 2012
Narrator: Christopher John Fetherolf
Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
Genres: Fantasy, Horror, Humor, Paranormal
Pages: 292
Source: Purchase
Buy on Amazon
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There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Meet Bill Ryder: programmer, gamer geek, and hopeless dweeb when it comes to women. All he ever asked for out of life was to collect his paycheck, hang out with his buds, and eventually (someday) ask out the girl of his dreams.

However, then Bill met Sally. She was mysterious, aggressive, and best of all...smoking hot. Bill never stood a chance. Before he knew what was happening Sally had lead him to his death, and that was only the beginning of his troubles.

Now Bill awakes to find himself an undead predator of the night. The only problem is he’s still at the bottom of the food chain.

He’s in way over his head, surrounded by creatures more dangerous, better looking, and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst of all is the dreaded Night Razor, a master vampire who just can’t stand him. He gives Bill a 90-day deadline to either prove himself or meet a more permanent kind of death, and the deck is definitely stacked against him.

But Bill isn’t exactly average. A vampire like him hasn’t been seen in over five centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies to help him out, and an attitude problem that makes him just too damn obnoxious to quit. He may just pull it off... if he doesn't get his teeth kicked in first.

Bill the Vampire is an 80,000 word horror comedy adventure by Rick Gualtieri.

My Thoughts

So… this is freaking hilarious! I started listening after my husband kept going on and on AND ON about how hilariously engaging this was and how he just could not get enough. I stopped him before he could give out any spoilers (barely) and decided to give it a try. I have listened to nothing else since then!

This. Is. Hilarious!

I mean, can you imagine a complete geek from The Big Bang Theory finding themselves in a vampire coven? And look, they may be geeks but they are not going to let some vampire kill them just because they look like a geek. Look, act, talk, and walk like a geek, but still!

The minute Bill starts narrating I was laughing. I can see why this was so hilarious for my husband and it was for me too. The predicaments Bill finds himself in, even for a vampire, is quite ridiculous. But how he deals with those situations is even better.

First, he is made into a vampire but since he has some kind of power that allows him to not obey other vampires. The compulsion they throw out just doesn’t work on him. But he can do much more than just not listen! There are so many things he can do that HE doesn’t even know about until Sally shows him the ropes.

And speaking of Sally she is just enough sarcastic humor to throw Bill off his game. Well, with what little game he has! Between Sally and Bill’s two roommates, Bill is up to his canines in issues but that does not stop other vampires from making more issues for him.

Every single word of this had me laughing. In portions I laughed so hard I was nearly crying. Rick Gualtieri brings something to the vampire genre that has not been seen before and I love it! Much like my hubby, I plan to listen to every single word about Bill the Vampire. And when I’m done I’ll probably start stalking Rick Gualtieri until he writes more! Fantastic narration by Christopher John Fetherolf! He does Bill justice! Love it.

In short: Hilarious! Fabulous vampire drama that is so unlike any other vamp show or book out there. A must read!

Rating Report
5 / 5
Character Development
5 / 5
Writing Style
5 / 5
Personal enjoyment
5 / 5
5 / 5
Overall: 5 / 5



The Author

About Rick Gualtieri

Rick Gualtieri lives alone in central New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he’s not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.

Defilers beware!

Rick is a horror and comedy writer. He is the author of:

Bill The Vampire
Scary Dead Things
The Mourning Woods
Holier Than Thou
Sunset Strip
Goddamned Freaky Monsters
The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1)
Bigfoot Hunters
The Poptart Manifesto

As Cole Vance:
Meeting Misty

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